So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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