We need to rekindle our bromance
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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