Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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