I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize