Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
