i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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