Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
