I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize