Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
