I puked a lego.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
