I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Randomize
