There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
