We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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