After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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