a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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