On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
