Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
