im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
