he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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