If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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