So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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