Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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