I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
