i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I party with great urgency now.
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