you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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