So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
