Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
