did you get engaged???
Porn is love you can see.
I think I won the penis lottery.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
