Tell her she can't have a vagina
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
