I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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