I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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