I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
