I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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