Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
