I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
