I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
