I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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