I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
