Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
