I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
