That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
