Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
