So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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