she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
