I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize