I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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