We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
