I think I died a long time ago.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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