Acid is not a monday night drug
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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