Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I think I sprained my soul last night
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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