how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I supernannyed him into submission
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
