that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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