Im at strip club and am horny
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
