Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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