This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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