It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
