I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
