im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
