im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
