so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
