got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
