Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Vodka?
Forever.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
