Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Send help, water and tortillas.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
