i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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