You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
