She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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