Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Girls should come with a carfax report
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
