Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize