i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
