I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
