Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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