if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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