The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
