Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
