He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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