Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize