I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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