New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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